there. ( and back again! )

you know how
you get back from vacation and the massive suitcase of disheveled clothes and poetry books and baby things is in the middle of the floor and the house has only had a husband caring for it for the past week and the baby is hungry and its like oh.my.life is attacking me!
?

well that was me yesterday.
but then Zu slept for 7hours last night and i accomplished oh-s0-much today and am generally on top of things again. i even fixed my hair, and wore my new gray jeggings (yes, my stylish aspiring-stylist sister convinced me) and my old Moderately-Sexy-Boots to the library today whilst visiting to bring my hubby lunch.

so my vacation was wonderful. karen and i spent lots of time window shopping--she's always been the fashionable one but her new job at anthropologie has heightened her stylist sensibilities to a madness! she can be in a store five minutes and be like "this this and this. go try it on." and it looks like magic.

the ocean is so nice to look at. its relaxing watching the waves lap at the shore and the old people trot by in their too revealing swimsuits. it was too cold to swim but warm enough for long beachy dresses, which we wore.

and, though i have been Blessed with a child who has slept through the night since she was about 6 weeks old (my sweet baby!), it was still great to have grammie take the early morning 5AM shift while i slept in.

and we saw much flora and fauna--Butterfly World was like becoming a disney princess, pretty jewel toned birds and butterflies flitting around everywhere. and gorgeous out of season flowers blooming in profusion.

and we went to Flamingo World to see the strange Jurassic looking plants and the florida tropical animals. and flamingos too of course

but all in all i am happy to be home. i missed my husband Terribly! next time he will have to come with me or my visit will be shorter. so we've had lots of happy family time the past two days.

i got my thanksgiving dinner shopping done tonight--i'm hosting it here for the first time ever! my cousin and her husband and my youngest sister are driving up. hopefully my experiment with turkey cooking will prove successful. and after thanksgiving, i'm traveling once again, down south to be in my lovely friend's wedding!

oh and, and, i got nominated! for a Pushcart Prize! i am tres excited. i feel so disconnected from poetry type things--like i am peeking in a little window from far far away--so whenever anyone is like "i read your poem" i am like "what???". so this is a most happy thing.  november is full of goodness.

well off to take care of my squirmy wirmy baby

{hello sunshine.

{1}
tomorrow i leave for Fl.or.i.da.!
Zu and i are spending a week with her grammie! and aunt K! i'm so excited to perhaps catch up a bit of sleep while grammie takes over baby-watch, and to hit the beach with my sis, and to see all the sights! i'lll miss my hard-workin-man, but it will be nice to have some time with my family, and for them to get to see Zuzu again before she gets even bigger!

{2}
one of my biggest fears about becoming a mom was that i would give up on writing. either A) because i wouldn't have time for it or B) --the scarier one--because i wouldn't want to.

essentially, i was scared of losing a big part of who i am. my art isn't my identity, but its part of my identity; and a life without creativity? oh my.

but, oh happiness!, it isn't the case! i've slowed down for now, but the time to write isn't the issue, its the Desire i was scared of losing, and its there more than ever. it might take me a week or two to finish a poem but i'm still Working! and still Reading! its felt even more important to me to keep that part of my life vibrant&thriving since having her--something to sort the many-varied emotions of new motherhood and to tie my present-self to my past. 

{3}
i've got clothes drying on the line, cupcakes in the oven for the youth girls tonight, and i'm watching Zuzu play on her playmat and listen to her daddy practice guitar.

oh and did i mention, the sun is shining?

Now That the Weather Has Turned by Tracy K. Smith

Ice cakes the ground. We break
Into something with every careful step.

Nothing disappears. Only hovers and thins.
Whoever we were months ago is colder.

Someone writes to say I bear down upon him
Like a wet coat. Just these lines.

Once, I wanted everything to come to me at once.
A house converged upon by headlights. A door

Muscled open by strangers, distant cousins,
Uniforms and stenciled badges.

When they came, I let them in, gesturing
Toward the comfortable chair, crisp sheets.

Now I finger the smooth objects forgotten
By I don't know whom. They tremble

Like eggs in a shallow drawer.